Sadly Neglected Blog Receives Attention/Naomi Wolf Response

Last night I finished reading Naomi Wolf's book Misconceptions. It's a highly feminist tome that looks at the process of pregnancy, giving birth and motherhood through the eyes of the privileged, highly educated, feminist-minded Wolf.

There are a number of points made by Wolf that I heartily agree with. I believe that the medical community unfairly disregards the value of midwifes and doulas. I believe that the American way of birth has been constrained by making medical practices such as epidurals, epesiotomies and c-sections standard practices. I do believe that it would behoove employers to offer more flexible schedules and benefits to parents, both moms and dads. I think she's very right to try to shed light on these inequities, however, I found myself annoyed that she kept returning to the theme of losing oneself to motherhood.

She continually voiced her fear of losing herself, which I suppose is only natural for someone who seems to think she is such an island of womanly independence. Wolf expresses anger that she is forced now to rush from her office to home in order to feed the baby who is being watched over by a "caregiver". This baffled me. I truly believe that this is a fear that is generated by a generation of privileged women who put far too much emphasis on individuality. When you become a mother you do not lose yourself... you gain another facet. It's true that you are unable to devote as much time to the things that once defined you, in Wolf's case writing, but those parts of you do not melt away into nothingness- they inform the way you live, the way you mother.

Another difficulty I had with the book was her view that the women she knew were in inequitable relationships with the husbands having more power. These women wanted their husbands to do more work around the house and felt overwhelmed attempting to care for one or two children all by themselves... with the help of a "caregiver". This shocked me. I couldn't help thinking of the multitudes of mothers who have cared for more children with less help and support from partners. I'm not saying that these peers of Wolf didn't deserve or need more help from their partners, but I think that they were in far better positions and actually had the power to change the way things were. There are many women even today who really have no power in their relationships and the women Wolf spoke of were not them.